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IWDM Study Library
Allah Guides Husband and Wife to Dignity

By Imam W. Deen Mohammed

They want to keep the relationships so that they can exploit and if the relationship becomes good, they can't exploit. So, they give the woman an idea. They make the man think he's an ape, that G-d has made you an ape macho man, Superman. Show the man, with his bare hands, knocking holes through stone walls, pulling up big trees by the roots. Isn't that what they show us in fiction? They show us that in fiction, the man, make him so tough and then tell a woman, he better not strike you. He better not strike you. If he does, he better not come in my court.

But they’ve excited your man to become a little young boy showing off his muscles and strength and then tell him that you are his boss and no matter what you do, he better not take his hand, he better not use his hand on you. If he does, he better not come to my court. See the trouble they make for relationships? That's designed to destroy the proper roles, deny the dignity to the roles-husband and wife, neither can be established while you're fighting over rights. The words of G-d in the Qur'an, (Arabic), "strike them lightly." That's from G-d. G-d prescribed that. The wisdom in it, I don't think we'll ever decipher completely, but I can see, just the great depth of wisdom in it. That if G-d has given me, G-d gave me this right! I don't have it of myself. I'm not carrying out my own authority. when I strike my wife lightly for her wrong, I'm carrying out a provision given to me by G-d and the Muslim wife will not see me striking her, she will see the law of G-d striking her.

And from my hand it comes mildly, from G-d, severely G-d has checked my hand and told me not to apply it severely! Lightly. But look how we refuse to accept what G-d provides and now we are getting it severely. Severe brutalizing of the woman by the man, that's an issue right now in Western society. Now it's not all that one sided. Don't let the news fool you because I know a few friends who have been brutalized by their ape wives. The prophet said the best of you is the one who is best towards his wife.

So, when you quote the prophet brothers, don't forget that quote. The best of you is the one who is best towards his wife. In his last pilgrimage and his farewell address, the prophet delves with this concern at length. He went on to say that if your wives lend themselves to depravity, you know what depravity is? A tendency to do wrong, to corrupt things, to turn the home or the society over to corruption and wrongdoing. He said, if your wife has a tendency, if my wife flirts with another man, isn't that leading our household down the road of depravity?

Well, the prophet didn't use my language. He's above us. The prophet said much above us, - the prophet said, "if your women, quoting Qur'an, the word of G-d, are guilty of depravity, G-d has given you permission to separate yourselves from their beds." So don't forget brothers, there's more than just tracking them lightly. In fact, the first provision is separate yourselves from their beds. That's the first. Then if that doesn't bring about conformity or a good sense, at least a respect for it, then G-d has given us a stronger measure, "(He)says strike them lightly." And in his farewell address, the prophet says, "strike them but not hard." Same thing. He's saying what the Qur'an says, he says, strike them but not hard.

Now, even if my wife shows a tendency towards lewdness, and that isn't that the issue? That's the issue of the issue of that particular provision. It is not that women will disagree with you. You can't be striking your wife for disagreeing with you. She has intelligence. You're not to strike her for disagreeing with you or strike her because she won't say yes, we should spend $50 less next year or $50 less next month on the children and you strike her because she wouldn't knuckle down, wouldn't give in to your demand. No, it's not for that at all. It's when the wife is guilty of the depravity. When she's threatened the health and order of a Muslim home.

I've been among Muslim men in different countries and I've seen their wives talk to them and They made me kind of flinch. I said, boy oh boy, I don't take that from my wife. I didn't tell him that. Well, his wife, pardon me, this society really gives us a lie to live. It puts women up and you can't hit her and it beef's her up. It talks about rights and everything of man, the women take over. It talks about the dignity of women and the women are the thing, the object in this western society that is most in need of respect.

They can't even sell you an automobile without disrespecting a woman. Can't sell you a cheap commodity over television or in a newspaper without cheapening the dignity of the woman. They've got to use her as a sex lure. They use her as a sex lure to get your attention to the commodity they're trying to sell. Now, if that ain't disrespecting women, what is? And then lastly, the prophet says "they are like captives in your houses." This is what the prophet told the Muslims about 1400 years ago in his farewell address. He said, they are like captives in your houses. Do we need women's lib to come and tell us that our women are like captives in the home? When Prophet Muhammad said it 1400 years ago. Your women are like captive slaves, he said, in your houses. These are the words of the prophet. Now I wonder how many Muslims have received the full impact of those words

Those who thought they were privileged by virtue of their muscles and manhood to lock her up in the house and to give her servant, domestic servant jobs, I'm sure that when they heard those words, they thought that the prophet was saying she is a slave in your houses. But what the prophet was bringing to their attention is that your woman is in a pitiful situation. She's at your mercy and you got her locked up in the house doing cheap servant jobs as a slave. How do we know the prophet was against that? He said, it is a duty on the state to educate, on you, to educate both male and female.

Look, ain't no way for a learned man to advocate equal education without advocating equal dignified roles in society because education leads to equality of roles in society. When he told them your wives are captives in your houses, the prophet was bringing to their attention, to the civilized man's attention, to the healthy man's attention, the miserable plight and situation for women in those days. And I advise you sisters to change your attitudes and don't try to match muscle for muscle with your men and don't threaten your man with the judge that has made himself a sissy.

He's no man anymore. He just reads laws. He's out of touch with women, family, life and family responsibility. I'm talking about most of our judges. They're out of touch with it and he just want to be G-d. His law training has made him think that he's G-d and he's not feeling himself functionable until you bring him somebody to Lord over. So, he's anxious for you to drag your husband into court so he can Lord over the matter and treat your husband as though he is nothing but a child. The African-American woman, she has that as a situation in her life more than any other woman. (It) came from the days of slavery. When before you even had access to the courts as citizens, the master would tell Sadie, if that nigga give you any trouble, let me know.

I'll give him a lashing right before his children. Take your husband and beat him like a boy right before his children. That's the kind of thing your man has to overcome and he can't do it without your help. So, sisters don't try to match muscles with your men. G-d has given the man by and large a superiority over you in terms of his physical physique and in the wealth that he's able to amass. But the same Lord says, and in terms of rights, He have given the women rights over men and He has given the men rights over women.

So, there's equality before the court of G-d and it doesn't take nothing from a more educated woman, if she's really educated, it takes nothing from her to give the man that margin of superiority. Not if she's an educated woman, it takes nothing from her. You may be a college graduate and your husband, maybe he didn't even finish school or didn't get into high school, don't let that make you act wrongly carrying an air of superiority over him that destroys the house. That man must be left with some respect. He must be left with some dignity. If you have married him, then it shames you that you have to treat him that way. Why would you marry a man that you can't respect?

So, I believe like a lot of the analysts, the African American analysts, they're writing now in different publications, little small periodicals, and they're saying that if there's going to be a change for the better, the women (are) going to have a great role. And I know the Imam has gone as far as he can go. If you sisters don't help me, we are finished. These men are not yet accepting their responsibility. They're not yet accepting to be husbands and fathers. And I believe that it's because you are not making it possible for them. Encourage them, show them respect, and when they do, do something that merits respect or merits acknowledge, acknowledge it. It's so hard for our women to admit that we did a little good.

That's no good. Now, I wouldn't be talking long like this on Friday, but I think some of you spent too much time with the turkey yesterday. So, we just want to put things back in the proper balance. Don't take it out on each other, but obey G-d because you know it's correct. And see the authority as it should be seen, its G-d's authority. It's not mine. It's not yours. And let G-d settle our dispute. Let Allah and His word in Qur'an settle out differences. Peace be upon him, the prophet said, and if you differ, Allah says first, and if you differ in a matter, bring it to G-d. How are you going to bring it to G-d? With your heart, with your faith. How are you going to get an answer? From the Qur'an.

Sometimes through your conscience too. But if you want the word of G-d, there it is, it’s here, the Qur'an and take it to his messenger. Take it to the authority of the prophet, the sunnah of the prophet. See how he lived and how he discharged his responsibility, how he acted in a given situation. So, we have an answer. Till we receive the answer, let's not take it out on each other. Like a brother may insist that certain things not be brought in his house. If it's pork, then the wife, if she's a Muslim, she should be supporting him. She should be saying it first, because the responsibility is first on her, when it comes to what to cook in the house, what to serve in the house.

Or when it comes to what color paint (is) going to be on the wall, wallpaper or bare walls, rugs or linoleum? Brothers. let the sisters decide. as long as you can afford it. And let me tell you, if you start tugging with her in matters like that, man, she's going to really wear you out. She knows how to wear you out. So just quit tugging with her. Just quit tugging with her and let her decide whether it's going to be green paint or blue paint or something like that, or white paint. Let her decide that.

But I don't know what it is, but some of our men, they look like they long for lost womanhood. Yeah, I don't what's wrong with our men? They just want to take over the woman’s role. If he had nipples, he would nurse the baby. Milk glands, pardon me, milk glands. If he had milk glands, he would even nurse the babies, just want to take over a woman's role. Woman can't say nothing to the children without him jumping in. Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute now I think the boy ought to do such and such.

You don't disrespect the rights of your wives to instruct the children, in her presence. Terrible. You want to decide everything. If you decide everything, then where is her responsibility? We say she's the woman of the house, and then we want to decide all household problems, the household things. How in the world could she be the woman of the house when you're deciding the household situations, household problems, you're are making all the judgment. Some of us even got to tell the wife what to cook and how to cook it. Well, I don't like my food like that. Well, if you don't like your food like that, how come you didn't marry that woman that was giving you your food the way you like it?

Look, I'm telling you, you have to learn how to give and take. That's the key. Learn how to give and take. And if you'll do it, Allah will bless you with a better relationship. My wife is not here today and she stays mad with me because she say, you just always embarrassing me and mentioning my name before the people. She's right, but I need you all's help. So, my wife, she said, Wallace, you're a good cook. I said, I like my cooking. I like yours too. The first time I told her that I was really hiding the facts. When I said I liked her cooking, I was talking about I liked the way she warmed up Campbell soups recipe.

But look, because I showed appreciation for the amount that she was able to do, in the kitchen, that woman kept working at and working at it. And now I told her, I said, Shirley, I'd rather eat your food to eat anybody else's. And I'm not exaggerating. Now some people can cook better, certain pie than maybe Shirley can, certain dishes. But on the whole, I'd rather eat Shirley's food than anybody else's, because she has learned me, she has learned the family, she's learned me and she cooks for us. But I didn't teach her and I didn't force her. I didn't lead her. She found a way to satisfy us.

So, I hope we can accept what Allah has prescribed for us and stop imposing ourselves on each other as authorities and Almighty. And when you make a demand, be sure that your demand is allowed in the Qur'an and the sunnah of the prophet. And then don't present it as your demand, say, G-d demands this of us, darling. And you'll find you'll have a better relationship. So, I conclude by saying the first relationship is a relationship with G-d. And if you're still in your normal state, you have the fear of G-d in you by nature. So, you can come to respect G-d as you should. Then the next relationship, is the relationship with the creation, the creatures. And if you study Qur'an in the life of the prophet, and follow it, you'll be the most excellent people on this earth in your treatment of each other and G-d's creatures .And crucial for us, or very critical for us as a poor people, misguided people in this society, is our relationship with each other as husband and wife. And we ain't going to get no answer from Ann Landers. We ain't going to get the answer from the television soap operas or from Psychology Today, or none of that stuff. We have to get the answer from the sources, the pure sources, G-d, who cares for us all. Then we'll be successful. So dear beloved Muslims, let us support our establishments, our investments, our properties, and let us all identify in the concerns as shareholders, equal shareholders. You see something threatening your property, destroying the image that we would like to have of our properties, then let everybody feel and know that you’re a shareholder. And bring it to the attention, if you have not able to do it yourself, bring it to the attention of those who are responsible for that particular job or matter. If we don't get results, then insist upon their removal. But be willing also, to share the burden because, you know, one custodian or two custodians, sometimes (are) not enough. So let us be willing to volunteer and help. Keep the place nice. Keep property up. This religion gives us respect for property, for everything that G-d has created. There's a sacred respect due (for) whatever G-d has created. So let us have that respect for our properties and support these investments because they are expenses and burdensome. You've been listening to Imam Warith Deen Mohammed.



